Boris Johnson: Hey. This is not Boris Johnson.
Sue GrayA: In that case, I’m not Sue Grey.
Johnson: Excellent. Identifier like make an appointment with you …
Grey: Then go ahead. My diary is open.
Johnson: Actually, what would I like happen it for you hang up down and then call me back in pair of days with time and date.
Grey: Why? It seems completely pointless.
Johnson: That’s so I can pretend it was you who asked for meeting. That way I don’t seem to be trying to interfere in your report. Which I obviously am not.
Grey: Obviously. Well actually I’m going to tell truth …
Johnson: Why anyone want do it?
Grey: … what were you one who asked for meeting.
Johnson: None need to play politics.
Grey: you do mine head in. You can keep this shit for Daily mail. And for your useful idiots – Nadhim Zahavi and Simon Clark come to mind – who will be sent out on in media round tell yourtrue story about our meeting, which will fall apart in hours.
Johnson: I will risk…
Grey: Mmm. I think who everyone will believe. Me or you and your ministers? It’s cool. You sure you do not want to rethink? I thought no. so you want?
Johnson: His like it’s … in the Met there is just told me that they were going to complete their investigations into parties no. 10 and I was going to get off practically with impunity.
Grey: So how did you succeed? Did you give a bribe?
Johnson: I don’t need to! Though all the tory donors were laid out up branch out if it’s necessary. It turned out out the police were not so interested in investigation as soon as they were told to off and stop bothering me. Just had to write “no comment” on My profile. So I left with just in one Great for in party it was hardly party and old Bill just fined a heap of junior staff to make it look like they did something.
Grey: What now then?
Johnson: We need say timings…
Grey: No, we don’t know. Because we have already agreed deadlines. As soon as the police complete their investigation, I will release the report. soon after.
Johnson: Wrong timings. Timings of some of my performances at parties. To make it look like I just fallen in. How would you for a work event. What parties exactly were.
Grey: You really don’t understand, do you? I cannot be noble.
Johnson: To come on, Sue. Be sport. Donnez-my unbreak as President Macron would say. Even if you don’t publish of in photos of I am angry with troops. Especially not those of I raise my glass and toast Lee Kane. It was just I’m lucky that my face was the only one in in photos it wasn’t blurry.
Grey: I think you’ll find that ITV News has already grabbed of those.
Johnson: What about some of then others? Of course we can come to a deal over them? I don’t mind if you post a photo of There are no 10 employees, but I’d rather you leave me. out of This is. And certainly not the one one where I drink vodka and break Wilf’s swing. Carrie is still gone know it was me. I told her it was Party Marty. Plus if you could avoid those where people are throwing up that would be help. we are not want in public think it was one long rave in Ibiza during lockdown.
GreyA: You don’t understand, do you? You disgust me. You lie to the country and parliament and leave with this time and again. And you will probably leave with This is again. The police might be a cowardly half-wit, but not me. So I will post everything. photos clearly show you have attended several parties in Downing Street and public deserves know in truth.
Johnson: Anyone can be ambushed six bottles of wine, bottle of gin and bowl of chips. So don’t be like This. We all drank…
Grey: Not really.
Johnson: Okay, then you can just tone down some of your comments in introduction? Do this sound like there was a clear sober guide at number 10 and what it was just several junior members of staff who violated rules. More and over again. And the only one reason it kept happening was that i was like this busy going to work events that I didn’t notice. AT fact we all worked hard no one you can blame us if everything became a little more alive. I sure the same thing happened on in hospitals where doctors and nurses knocked back hand sanitizer.
Grey: Have you finished yet?
Johnson: Not really. It’s taken as a read that there will be autumn guys in all this. So if you could finger Simon Case for me, that would be big help. Although, obviously, he will become a member of Lords or something like that when the dust settles. Like you, if you play your cards Correctly …
GreyA: We’re done.
Johnson: Just now for in record, this meeting never took place.
Grey: It is necessary leak …
Johnson: In this case it is public the meeting that was so above the board, its contents should remain secret.
Grey: Goodbye, prime minister.
