Television|Late Night on Trump’s Business Losses: ‘A One-Man Fyre Festival’
Best of Late Night
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‘Like Finding Out That Hugh Hefner Died a Virgin’
Late-night hosts zeroed in on President Trump’s massive business losses between the years 1985 and 1994, which The New York Times documented this week.
“He lost more than $100 million a year for a decade. He’s like a one-man Fyre Festival, this guy.” —JIMMY KIMMEL
“Everything we thought we knew about Trump back then is a lie. Remember his cameo as the fancy rich guy in ‘Home Alone 2’? Now we know when he recorded that, he was so broke, he had to borrow money from the pigeon lady.” —STEPHEN COLBERT
“To give you some perspective, 1990 was the same year the movie ‘Kindergarten Cop’ came out, and that movie made $200 million. It’s not like you needed a brilliant idea to make money back then.” —JAMES CORDEN
“The guy who lost the most money is the same guy who claims to be the best businessman. It’s like finding out that Hugh Hefner died a virgin.” —TREVOR NOAH
Seth Meyers dedicated his “A Closer Look” segment to Trump’s big L, which he found amusing but not necessarily surprising.
“He walks around like he’s holding four aces. But you just know he has a pair of twos and that extra card with the rules on it.” —SETH MEYERS
“Of course, Trump was never a successful businessman — he just played one on TV. Expecting Donald Trump to exhibit business acumen is like expecting George Clooney to do an arterial bypass.” —SETH MEYERS
‘Not Archibald — Archie’
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle revealed the new royal baby’s name on Wednesday: Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor. “Not Archibald,” Stephen Colbert pointed out — “Archie.”
“I know some people are disappointed by the name ‘Archie.’ But there’s one person who’s super excited — the queen. Yeah. Because you know for the last nine months she’s been like, ‘Please don’t be Jamal, pease don’t be Jamal, please don’t be Jamal, please don’t be Jamal!’” —TREVOR NOAH
“I guess they’re hoping he will one day grow up to be a preppy in an ’80s movie.” —SETH MEYERS
Jimmy Fallon drew a connection to the Archie Comics-inspired CW show “Riverdale” (as did Colbert, who coined “Windsordale”).
“Apparently, the royals love the show ‘Riverdale,’ so it was either Archie or Jughead.” —JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Executive Privilege Edition)
“The White House this morning announced it will invoke executive privilege to prevent the release of underlying evidence from the Mueller report, marking the first time Trump has invoked executive privilege since whenever he last played golf.” —SETH MEYERS
“Executive privilege, of course, is actually Trump’s favorite privilege, right after white, male and the Mar-a-Lago handicapped bathroom.” —STEPHEN COLBERT
“You know that Trump really likes the idea of executive privilege, mainly because Executive Privilege sounds like a line of after-shave he would have released exclusively through JCPenney.” —JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
Trevor Noah got a huge kick out of watching Bernie Sanders chat with children about cocaine, trees and zoning laws on the then-mayor’s 1980s cable access show, “Bernie Speaks.”
After this week’s U.N. report finding that human activity is putting vast numbers of species in jeopardy, “Jimmy Kimmel Live” asked people on the street if Homo sapiens should be saved from extinction. The results do not bode well for our future.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
The entire cast of “Veep” will crowd superfan Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Fans of FX’s “Better Things” might not be envious of Pamela Adlon’s struggling single mom Sam most of the time, but if there is one part of the character’s life worth coveting, it’s the art on her walls. The selections (including work from Keith Haring, lesser-known street artists and her own grandmother) are reproductions from Adlon’s real-life collection.